Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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