Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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