my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
