What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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