Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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