Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
