So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
