You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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