you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
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Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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