where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
