I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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