guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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