Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
