is this the sara with the beer cane?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
