In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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