well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
