margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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