I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
