Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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