White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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