i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
