I'm so fucking centered right now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
