I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
