This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
