Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
