Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
