Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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