also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
