Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I touched a dick in church today
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