I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
