we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
