I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
