The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
