somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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