my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
