i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize