Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
