She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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