Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
