no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
