One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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