How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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