he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize