I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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