The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
