he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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