We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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