can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
