I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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