i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
