she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
