i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
