mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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