you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
