i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
