I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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