K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
