lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
