ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize