This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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