I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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